Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I'm so glad I'm not a doctor. They have way too much control over life and death. If a patient ever died I would probably always wonder "should I have ordered that other test?" "Should I have given them a different medicine?" Or whatever might have saved their life

Cause that's how I feel now. I wish I had requested a follow up ultrasound before I took those pills so I wouldn't have these awful nagging thoughts in my head that make cry every time I think of them.

Friday, January 27, 2012

New years resolutions and unner-wars

I decided to include a million pictures in this post because no one reads posts without pictures. So read away!


So I'm making some "unner-wars" for Calvin because every store (and online) is out of Gerber training pants. I know- weird. Who make's their kid's underwear? He would surely get made fun of if any of his friends knew how to use complete sentences. Luckily they don't.

But I just cut a big gash in my finger with my sewing scissors. Youch. I think I barely missed a vein because I could see one in there. Luckily it is my left hand and I don't even use that one.

I will now change topics.

This year I decided to make some new years resolutions. They included exercise for half hour a day (except Sundays), don't eat sweets (except muffins if they have fruit or vegetable in them), go to bed by 10, floss my teeth daily, memorize one scripture a month and read my scriptures daily. Evan and I also made some family goals that I won't bore you with.

Here's how I'm doing:

Exercise: I think I've done it four days so far. I had a pretty good excuse for not doing that one though since Jan 1st was a Sunday, I did it Jan 2, and Jan 4 I started showing signs of threatened miscarriage. I just started back up a few days ago and it feels great. I guess now that I'm not pregnant I have more time to work on my six pack. (Ha. Let's start with a two pack.) (And for the record, I'd rather still be pregnant. But I'm not, so oh well.)

No sweets: I've missed 12 days. That's less than half!

Read scriptures: Haven't missed a day!

Floss teeth: Haven't missed a day, despite the fact that we ran out of flossers and I was forced to use real floss. Not sure how I'll do it tonight since the sewing scissors incident. Oh wait. I never use my left hand anyways.

Go to bed by 10: Missed 12 days. But 5 of those missed days were like 10:05 or something. So that's pretty close.

Memorize a scripture: I'm doing 3 Nephi 17: 5-7. I almost have it down. It's an awesome scripture by the way. It show's Christ's compassion, and it reminds me that if Christ can put aside his plans because he sees that people need him, I can too. (There's a great talk about that here.) That whole chapter is great.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Nana Nice

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The other day Calvin learned the word "nice." We went through the whole family with him and asked him if each person was nice. He said yes to everyone but Lindsey and Zac. (Haha! I don't know why they weren't nice- Calvin likes them.) The next day we asked him again and the only person he though was nice was Amanda.

He also occasionally says thank you for Nana in his prayers when we tell him to say Mama or Dada.

To Connecticut... bleh.

We are planning on moving to Connecticut in April. I'm not really looking forward to it. I should be, since it means Evan will have a real job and we'll be moving on from the student part of our lives. But I really like this part of our life.

I've been in Provo for the past 7 years. At first it was exciting because it was a new adventure to move away from home and stuff. But I don't like exciting anymore. I like familiar. And it is familiar here. And safe. And sunny. And affordable. And the mountains are beautiful. And we have friends and family here. I don't know a soul in Connecticut. Well, that's not true. But I don't have any friends or family there. Plus I hate winter and I think their winter is worse than Provo's.

I'm going to miss Wymount too. It is so easy to make friends here. All I have to do is go out on the playground that is right outside our apartment. I think it is going to be much harder in Connecticut. And I'm not really one to make friends easily.

At least I get to move with my best friend and my little constant companion.

On an entirely unrelated note, I painted my fingernails a purpleish color 3 days ago and couldn't decide if I liked the color or not. I think I just decided that I kind of like it. But I don't love it.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Hello and goodbye

We lost a baby yesterday. Or maybe it was a week before that when we found out it was dead. Or it was the week before that when it died. It is hard to put a date on it. But it kinda sucks.

Isn't it funny how you make plans, but that isn't what the Lord has in mind for you? I know He knows what is best, but it is hard to accept His plan sometimes. We planned to have a baby in the first half of 2009. We got Calvin in 2010. Then we planned to have another one that would be two years apart from Calvin in school. And guess what? I got pregnant just in the nick of time! I was due August 8 or August 15th, depending on who you asked. And it was awesome because the baby would be born right around mine and Evan's birthdays, so we could get 3 free birthday meals at a time. And my sister-in-law Amanda was pregnant too, so our baby would have a cousin a few months older. But then Amanda and Dave lost their baby at 20 weeks. It was awful and we were so sad for them. And I almost felt guilty for being blessed with a second child right when they lost the baby they had been looking forward to so much.

Fast forward a few weeks. I started bleeding. I wasn't too worried about it since I bled with Calvin and he was fine. But when we went to the doctor, they couldn't find a heartbeat. I still wasn't too worried since by my calculations, I was only 8.75 weeks, which is pretty early to hear a heartbeat without an ultrasound. So they sent me over to get an ultrasound. The lady showed us the baby. It looked a lot like the ultrasound of Calvin when he was the same size. Except this time, we didn't hear a heartbeat. This scene keeps replaying in my mind: The ultrasound lady says, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this baby has no heartbeat." I begin to cry as she types "FETUS, NO HEARTBEAT" on the screen over the picture of the baby. Then she tells us it probably died about a week before.

I wish I could get that scene out of my head. Actually, I just with it hadn't happened. But I guess it is okay. I read an article a few months ago about why bad things happen to good people. And the answer was we don't understand God's whole plan. If we did, we would realize everything was going to be okay in the end. And we would realize that maybe the trials in our lives helped us become better people. So I am hoping this helps me become a better person.

We waited a week before I finally took what is basically an abortion pill since the baby wasn't coming out on its own and the other alternative was surgery. It was pretty awful. I had the worst diarrhea of my life and I vomited in the bathtub at the same time. Evan cleaned it up for me. Fortunately, once I cleared out my intestinal tract, I wasn't nauseous anymore and by the end of the day, after some awful cramping, the baby came out. We had to make sure that I had "passed tissue" so we could let the doctor know, so we scooped it up out of the toilet. And I'm really glad we did. It sounds weird, but we got to see the tiny little baby, still in it's gestational sac. It looked just like they do in the pictures. It was between 1/2 inch and an inch long and had tiny arms and legs with fingers and toes. It even had little eyes. I sat and looked at it for quite a while before we disposed of it. And I didn't even cry.

I realize that I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband. I love him so much. I have a darling little boy. We have all the necessities of life, plus extras. We aren't rich, but we have plenty of money. I even get to stay home with Calvin. Other people have much bigger problems. Some people can't even have kids. Some lose their pregnancies much later after they have become more attached to their babies. Miscarriages like mine happen to tons of women.

I'm still a little sad. But you know what? I'm going to be fine.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Our sweet little Calvin

We love out little Calvin and despite the fact that everyone calls the twos terrible, we think he is in a delightful stage. Here are a few things about him:

  • You know how some kids say no to everything you ask them? Well, Calvin says "yeah!" or "yes!" For example, Ask him if he will help you sort the laundry and he says "yeah!" Ask him if he wants to go potty and he says "yeah!" Ask him if he will put his diaper in the garbage and the answer is "yeah!" Of course, he does say no occasionally, but he says yes way more.
  • He likes to pretend. My favorite thing to pretend to do with him is take a nap. Haha.
  • He LOVES jumping. He jumps everywhere, even down the stairs if you are holding his hand. And while singing once there was a snowman. And whenever he is naked.
  • He loves the ipod. At random times during the day he'll say "eye.. bod," which means he wants to play with it. He has learned to open all the games and to how to watch movies. He doesn't know the passcode yet though, but he keeps watching when I put it in, so I think he'll know it pretty soon.
  • He is very good at giving hugs and kisses.
  • He likes doing everything we do. His push-ups are hilarious.
  • He is starting to manipulate us at bedtime. If Evan is putting him to bed, he'll say "hug mama" so he can avoid going to bed for a little longer. And how can you say no to more hugs? Smart boy.
  • When he does something he is proud of, he'll come over and smile at you. Today he kept putting the chain on the door and then he'd come over to me, smile, and wait for me to tell him what a good job he did putting the chain on. Haha.


Of course he isn't perfect. He has started throwing himself down on the floor when he is mad or wants something he can't have. Where did he learn that? Definitely not from me or Evan. And he still spits out food and throws it on the floor. But other than that, he is a delight. It is so fun to watch him grow and be able to interact more with him.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Calvin's fort

Front door
 As promised, here is a post about the play house Evan and I made Calvin for his birthday. It fits over our kitchen table. I copied the playhouse from Homemade By Jill, but made it smaller and simpler. Her's is much cooler than mine. But mine probably took a lot less time.
Stuffed animal entrance

 This side is awesome. Calvin loves looking out the window and putting all of the flowers through the mailbox (which opens). The flowers fit in the little pockets on the bottom so he can take them out.

 This side is cool too. The corn slides in and out of the stalk and the carrots and lettuce are removable too. So far, they have mostly ended up going in the mailbox. Haha.
My sister-in-law Amanda also made some felt mail for the mailbox after she saw we didn't have any, but I forgot to take a picture of it. Maybe she'll blog about it. But it is pretty awesome.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Calvin's Birthday

Calvin turned two on Friday and we had a great family birthday party planned with awesome food for dinner and awesome cupcakes, but I had a cold and then had another medical issue come up, so we uninvited everyone, but let Dave and Amanda come over for presents and non-awesome cupcakes. So sorry everyone we uninvited! We'll invite you over sometime when I feel better and maybe we'll have the awesome food I had planned. Minus the Sesame Street cupcakes since Calvin and I don't even like cake.

Here's a super long post with lots of videos from Calvin's big day.

The night before his birthday we hung up these balloons in Calvin's doorway, pinterest style. He loved them, but pulled them all down by 10am and had fun popping them the rest of the day.

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After dinner we had cake and ice cream. Calvin liked blowing out the candles.
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Unfortunately, he wanted nothing to do with the cake (that he chose and helped make) or the ice cream.
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Next we did presents. Calvin was great at opening presents this year. He had been waiting all week and every day we told him that he had to wait until Friday to open them, so he was pretty excited to get started.
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He got a barn thing from Grandma and Grandpa Selin, which he loves. He was playing with it for twenty minutes straight this morning by himself, which is a long time for a two year old.

We also gave him a toy airplane from the dollar section at Target.

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We gave him this playhouse that fits over out kitchen table, which he loves, since he has a huge obsession with forts these days. I'll post more about it in another post.

And he got some big boy training pants! I think they are adorable. And he likes them, Maybe we'll start potty training full time soon.
That about sums up his birthday. We think Calvin is awesome and we are happy to have him entering his terrific twos!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Calvin is two today! And here is a video of him counting to 5

Today is Calvin's birthday! He is getting so old. Which means the rest of us are too.

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Here is a video of him counting to 5. We had to bribe him with candy to get him to do it on video.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A toddler sit-up (The video should work now)

Remember Calvin's baby sit-ups? Well, Calvin is still working on his sit-ups. He likes to copy me when I exercise in the morning and it is pretty funny.
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Sunday, January 1, 2012

Pretty dishes

 I really like colorful ceramic dishes. For Christmas I got some Fiesta ramekins that I wanted and after Christmas I found a set of mixing bowls to add to my collection. They are so pretty I had to take a picture. They look prettier in person though.